


Your Worst Nightmare

by Daovihi



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Chickens, Crack, Fear, Horror, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Mutilation, Terror, Violence, Whump, emotional anguish, the birds (1968?)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-20 22:23:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14270799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daovihi/pseuds/Daovihi
Summary: Geralt comes face-to-face with his worst fears.





	Your Worst Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> mlter this is your fault

"AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" Geralt screamed. "CHICKENS ARE TRYING TO KILL ME, OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!"

Accurate to what he said, chickens were slowly walking towards him, with their scrawny chicken legs. Some pecked the ground, searching for seeds. Others groomed themselves. All of them were fixed on Geralt with a murderous glare that would make kittens want to play.

"Don't be so dramatic." Dettlaff told Geralt without even looking from his nail file. "They're chickens."

"CHICKENS THAT WANNA KILL ME!!!!!!!!!"

As if on cue, one chicken tired of games and stepped on Geralt's foot. It pressed its frankly pathetic weight onto him. Geralt howled in pain as pressure built on his bones until they snapped and broke.

"DETTLAFF HELP ME!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!" Geralt sobbed in agony.

"Okay, okay, sheesh." Dettlaff pocketed his nail file and went to Geralt. He picked up the chicken with ease, holding it to his chest. "You're fine now."

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THERE'S A BAJILLION CHICKENS AND YOU'RE HOLDING ONE!!!!!!!!!"

Dettlaff shook his head. "How did you even make it as a witcher?" He brought the chicken up to his face. "Aw, you're so cute!"

The chicken clucked once, twice, then it attacked. It pecked at Dettlaff's cheeks with the force of a raging fly. It flapped its wings in a confusion tactic, then wriggled its fat little body. Dettlaff cooed and hugged the chicken.

"OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!!!!!!!"

"Ugh, what is it now?"

The rest of the flock had surrounded Geralt and trapped him. Geralt was trembling in complete and utter fear as the flock drew in closer. Dettlaff sighed and shooed away the chickens, causing them to disperse.

"Wha's going on?" Louis mumbled as he rubbed his eye with the sleeve of his pajamas and walked up to the pen.

Dettlaff leaned over to Louis and gave him a kiss. "Nothing, dear. Go back to bed."

"M'kay." Louis left them to go back inside. Once he had left, Dettlaff went back to Geralt, crossed his arms, and glared at him.

"You woke up Louis!"

"There were chickens!"

"They're harmless!"

"They wanted to kill me! You could see it in their eyes!"

"Oh for the love of…" Dettlaff pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, I'll get you out, alright? You won't have to be around any more chickens."

"Yes. Please." Geralt begged as he eyed an approaching chicken.

Dettlaff slid his hands underneath Geralt and picked him up with ease. Geralt wrapped his arms around Dettlaff's neck and rested his head on his own arm. Dettlaff carried Geralt out of the pen and into a relatively isolated field, where he set him down.

"Any better?"

"Yeah." Geralt nodded, significantly calmer.

"Good." Dettlaff took a seat next to Geralt. "I don't want you to… feel bad."

Geralt pouted. "You told me not to be dramatic."

"You were screaming at the top of your lungs." 

"Still."

Dettlaff sighed. "I'm sorry. I should have just accepted you were afraid, and helped you get out immediately."

"You get that from anger management?"

"Yes. My therapist gives me a sticker every time I tell them a time I use their teachings."

"Mm." Geralt laid his head in Dettlaff's lap. "I like stickers."

"So do I." Dettlaff ran his fingers through Geralt's hair.

The two stayed like that, basking in the warm sunlight. Dettlaff rubbed Geralt's tummy in an intimate gesture. A butterfly flew onto Dettlaff's shoulder, settling to rest. Geralt yawned and closed his eyes. Dettlaff hummed and pushed Geralt's hair out of his face.

"My foot hurts…" Geralt whined.

"From the chicken?"

"Yeah." Geralt said. "Bones're healing, though."

Dettlaff said nothing. He cradled Geralt's head in his hands, in a way protecting him from the evil birds of the world. Both smiled, feeling safe and secure. Neither of them paid any mind to the footsteps approaching.

"Were you unable to sleep?" Dettlaff asked, turning his head ever so slightly.

"Yes." Louis took a seat by Dettlaff. "What was Geralt screaming about, anyway?"

"He-"

"Don't." Geralt warned.

"…Nothing." Dettlaff shook his head. "I heard you made another interesting purchase?"

"Why, yes, I have." Louis took Dettlaff's hand. "I have bought this rare breed of chicken called a 'silkie'-"

"Wait." Geralt shot up. "A bird?!"

"Yes, a-"

Geralt burst into tears on the spot. Fear coursed through his veins at the mere mention of birds, making him curl up into a ball and sob his heart out. Dettlaff stared at him, unable to comprehend, before laying a hand on his arm and shushing him. Meanwhile, Louis simply sat there, having no idea what's going on anymore.

"Uh, Geralt?" Louis waved a hand in front of his face. "What… what's wrong?"

"The witcher is afraid of chickens." Dettlaff stated dryly.

"What."

"The witcher is afraid of chickens." Dettlaff repeated in the same tone.

"Why?"

"BECAUSE THEY'RE HORRIBLE!!!" Geralt sobbed into Dettlaff's shoulder.

"Should I… get Regis?" Louis propped himself onto his feet, preparing to walk off.

"Please!" Dettlaff begged beggingly.

"Uh…" Louis' eyes darted around, finding a random black bird chilling nearby. "Hey, you! Get Regis ASAP!"

The bird cursed him and his entire lineage in bird language, then sat down just to spite him.

"That, my loves, is a crow. Very similar to ravens, but unlike them-"

"AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!" Dettlaff, Louis, and Geralt all jumped at the same time.

"HOLY SHIT WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!?!?!?!?!" Louis whispered. Except he didn't whisper. He screamed so loud he rivalled the bruxae in Dettlaff's pack.

"Please, settle down. I fear you may be screaming so loudly I might become hard of hearing." Regis rubbed the side of his head. "Anyway, when I heard Geralt start screaming about chickens, I dropped everything to come to his aid."

"Can you please calm him down?!" Dettlaff yelled over the sound of Geralt sobbing over the thought of birds.

"Give him to me." Regis curtly ordered, holding his hands out.

Dettlaff wordlessly handed Regis their witcher. Regis adjusted him until he was seated in his lap facing him, then Regis cupped his cheeks.

"Geralt, open your eyes." Regis whispered. Geralt hesitantly opened his eyes to look into Regis'. "The birds won't hurt you. They have no reason to. You are safe."

"But, but one of them-" Geralt sniffled. "They broke my foot…"

"They did? Let me see."

Geralt brought his foot onto his opposite thigh. Regis deftly removed his shoe and, after giving Geralt a kiss and a warning, started probing around for signs of breaks. Geralt whimpered and hid his face in Regis' shoulder. The scent of basil, sage, anise, wormwood, and cinnamon reminded him of the security and love Regis provided. He snuggled in closer, poking his neck with his nose as he breathed deep. Oh, if only they could stay like this forever.

"Geralt." Regis' voice broke Geralt out of his reverie. "Your foot is not broken. You're fine."

"What?" Geralt drew away. "But the chicken…"

"It likely didn't hurt you at all. And it won't ever hurt you. Because you have me and Dettlaff and Louis to protect you. Isn't that right?"

"Mm-hm." Louis hugged Geralt from behind, resting his head on his shoulder.

The sound of clothes hitting the floor could be heard, shortly before Dettlaff shapeshifted into a giant bat. He fanned out his wings, then he enveloped everyone into a big, warm, fluffy hug.

"See?" Regis rubbed Geralt's sides and tummy. "We're here for you. We love you."

"I believe you." Geralt smiled, feeling Louis kiss his ear and Dettlaff boop his head with his snout. "Love all of you, too."


End file.
